Still hardcore on my vegan diet with only one mistake - I forgot to read the ingredients on Sun Chips. Lesson learned.
This weekend, I tried only having a single 20mg Adderall and I ate a lot less than I usually would if I wasn’t on it. I’m on the usual 40mg dose today, so it’ll be interesting to see what my dietary habits are like today.
Thanks to watching a documentary entitled Forks Over Knives, I’ve decided to try out being vegan for a while. I’ve done the vegetarian thing for so long that it just makes sense to try and cut out all animal products, however painful it is going to be. For me, though, this is just an experiment as I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to maintain this diet, so please wish me lots of luck in my potentially temporary endeavor. And $85 later, I’ve got about a week or less worth of food, not counting lunch which means this diet is going to be pricey.
And now to make 2012 count, unlike 2011 which was just a really long party.
No Adderall today. I’m experiencing some of the side effects: occasional headaches, insomnia and dry mouth.
I’m working on my side project and I’m trying to get a tech VIP interested. I’ve affectionately termed the project “friends with files”. Without giving anything away, I’ll just say it’s a business that’s been done before but presented differently. I’ll have more news in a week or so.
Oh yes, I’ve been asked to be in a commercial for a dating web site. I’ve said yes but knows how things will work out.
And now to schedule a snowboarding trip for next week.
On the advice of a friend, I decided to visit a psychiatrist to see if I possibly have ADD. Long story short: after my tests and some observance, my psychiatrist said my ADD is “off the charts”. Consequently, I am now hopped on Adderall: I take two - 40mg extended release capsules each morning.
The results:
1. My mood has increased, eg: I’m happier and more outgoing. I consider this positive.
2. I have issues getting to sleep. I find myself having to chase one drug with another. I see this as something rather negative.
3. I feel slower and lethargic if I don’t take it. Another negative aspect.
4. I do feel more focused and feel like I can explore concepts that I’m not necessarily familiar with and don’t have a passion for. I consider this a positive.
Unfortunately, I don’t know how to create quantitative metrics based upon qualitative concepts such as feelings, especially when there isn’t a yardstick to measure against. So for now, I’ll just post from time to time where I’m at with regards to the effects of Adderall since it will assist me in gauging the impact and if I should continue to take it.
One concern I have: my doctor is forgetful and seems to tow the party line. I don’t feel as if he is very upfront with me regarding the caveats of using Adderall and being the MBA that he is, plays up and accentuates the positive aspects of it. Scary. I think it would be prudent to get a second opinion and some “real” and honest perspective since the answers I received seemed disingenuous.
Damn these dreams. Another dream where I cried and woke up crying. This time, it wasn’t rappers, but instead it was a war scene, with a large group of people attempting to kill a single enemy. There was a lull in the violence and the lone enemy approached the soldiers, apologized to them and then started to cry uncontrollably. I did the same thing - just cried in my dreams and woke up doing the same. Bizarre.
My friend Tracy seems to think it’s stress related, but I don’t feel stressed so I’m not sure that’s the culprit. I do feel like I’m floating and directionless from time to time, but I am working on projects yet again, from my web sites to iPhone apps, but I still don’t know where I’m really going, I suppose.
So wtf is wrong with me and why am I having these dreams? Is it despair? Helplessness? I was never good at dream interpretation and really not good at analyzing myself, so I’m waving the white flag for now.
In other news, my birthday is coming up in November and I am busy planning away and inviting people like crazy. My guess is that for the 75 or so people I invited, maybe 20 will show up which is just *perfect*. I get my close and personal friends here to party with me and celebrate the fact that I made it one more year on this planet and live it up intensely for one crazy night. I’m not a big birthday person since I have very little emotional attachment to them after being raised Jehovah’s Witness for a good portion of my life, but they’re still fun to have.
Tonight, I’m hoping to not remember any of my dreams so I can wake up peacefully and start off my day better than the norm as of late.
I had the weirdest, most random dream last night. For some reason, I had a dream that Dr. Dre and Ice Cube met with the AIDS stricken Eazy-E on his death bed to say good bye and make their peace with him since they were enemies post NWA. In my dream, I got to watch them say good bye and in my dream, and perhaps in real life, I cried and really hard. I’m not sure what inspired me to dream about these folks interacting and saying hello for the first time in so many years and good bye for the last time, but it happened and I’m not sure what to think about it.
Of course, this isn’t as weird as the falling in an avalanche while someone yelled random things at me over an intercom dreams I had when I was a kid, but it’s still notable for a number of reasons. For one, I don’t ever remember my dreams and two, who the hell dreams about rappers dying of AIDS?
